the smuggler’s bible


Some wonk from HR tracks Mediatrix down and makes her fill out a bio for the team website. It’s really, really lame.

“If I had to compartmentalize my abilities, motivations and skills like some kind of wiki article—which I do not admit is even possible,” she says, “I guess I would say my super power is ‘sympathetic conversation.’”

“You mean you, uh, talk to them?”

“Conflict resolution doesn’t begin and end with violence.”

“But I’ve seen you punch a guy so hard his hands popped off.”

“Well, yeah, fighting isn’t everything,” Mediatrix says. “But it sure ain’t nothin’ either.”