the smuggler’s bible

Stealin’ Rikki

“You hate it, don’t you?”

“No. No, it’s good.”

“I’m relieved to hear that, but for some reason it seems like you’re holding back an ‘except’ or—”

“Except it’s going to be hard to sail into any ports if our flag has ‘Stealin’ Rikki’s Big Boat Full of Pirates’ stitched onto it.”

“It’s supposed to be ironic.”

“It’s true.”

“Of course,” Stealin’ Rikki says, exasperated, “but what kind of person would put that on their flag?”

“I am desperately trying to figure that out.”

“Well, relax a little. That shit took forever. I will definitely not be changing my mind.”