the smuggler’s bible

Furzifal Bentwhisker

The ancient and venerable Furzifal Bentwhisker wakes up to find the man-child in the back of the dumpster, gnawing on a melon rind.

“Ho, there!” he hisses. “Man-child, did you scavenge for yourself that scrap of nutrient?”

The man-child nods.

“Excellent. Keep always in your heart the law of the alley dweller,” Furzifal says, eyes shining in his dark mask. “Steal when hungry or bored, steal what will fit in your hand. To steal is a raccoon’s first duty, especially the garbage of man.”

Furzifal pauses, then shoots his shot.

“Also, sharing old melons is righteous. Forever and ever, amen.”