the smuggler’s bible

Vlad Dracula

“Do you know the worst part? The thing that makes me shiver at night?” Vlad Dracula strikes a match and begins lighting candles. “We had that old bastard on the ropes. We were knocking on his door. The fuckin’ twenty-fifth, man. The very day.”

“Wow. How many of those are you gonna… I mean, like, a single lamp could—”

“The Victorians told ghost stories at Christmas.” Vlad Dracula grabs another candelabrum. “Dickens did it! Ghosts everywhere! So how,” he says, starting on a row of pumpkin spice-scented votives sitting on the mantel, “how did that jolly creep slip our hold?”