the smuggler’s bible

Doctor Malfeasance

The boss sits in his high-backed chair, resting his chin on one fist, and watches the test subjects through the large one-way glass panel on the wall.

“These are the best candidates? Really?”

“Top scorers from each region, sir. A couple ties, so we threw those in too.”

The boss sighs. “So the extreme, uhm, results—”

“The one-hundred percent rate of failure and above average fatality numbers.”

“Yes, precisely.”

“We, perhaps, slightly overtuned the final trials.”

“I notice you used the chainsaws again.”

“Agility is an extremely important metric,” Doctor Malfeasance says. “Ditto for hand-eye coordination, I’m sure you’ll agree.”