the smuggler’s bible


Whatever demon has crawled up from the seventh circle of hell to haunt Delphina’s dishwasher has an attitude. But from the demon’s perspective, that’s the whole point, so really how much griping can you do?

Delphina cleanses the kitchen with burning sage and forms a magic circle with a mixture of pink Himalayan sea salt and olive oil (to achieve a slight hydrophobic effect).

“Depart,” she says.

“Make me.”

Delphina breathes deeply and sets about doing so amidst much guttural uproar and flashing of green lights. After three hours, the demon leaves in a huff. Delphina gives it the finger.