the smuggler’s bible


“These seats suck.”

“Because they were cheap.”

“I do not find this excuse persuasive.” Rakiya squirms, trying to get comfortable. The row in front of them is, somehow, slightly elevated and making use of the same armrests. “The proprietors shouldn’t even sell admission to an experience so thoroughly impaired. I begin to doubt whether demi-section and quarto-seating are industry standard terminology.”

“I recall making several earnest appeals along these same lines immediately preceeding the purchase.”

“Yes, perhaps,” Rakiya says, “but to be fair, you are often very annoying.”

Somebody shushes her, which starts a fight and improves the evening immensely.