the smuggler’s bible


Ivar hunches and shuffles into the tiny bookstore. He crawls on hands and knees down an aisle and almost immediately realizes the irony of his situation.

“My god!” he says. “The books are all too small!”

The librarian cackles, then winces at the crick in his neck from stooping this whole time.

Ivar trembles and says, “I shouldn’t have asked the monkey’s paw for a little help with my book report.”

The curtains drop on an empty house—absolutely zero attendance. Still, somebody shows up later at the cast meet and greet and spits on Ivar. He deserves it, too.