the smuggler’s bible


The worst thing about being a pagan river deity, Condatis decides, is that people stop giving a shit the closer you get to the ocean. Heaven forbid you wind up in a delta.

“This is great, right?” Nodens shouts, waving from out in the surf. “Man, they burned like so many fish for me last night.”

“Yeah. Great.”

Nodens points to a cluster of sails on the horizon. “They’re talking about me RIGHT NOW.”

Condatis swirls around a little bit, wishing the water wasn’t so briny. “Just come upstream, I dare you,” he mutters, immediately realizing how stupid that sounds.