the smuggler’s bible

Subject 548481

OFFICIAL REPORT CONCERNING SUBJECT 548481

Date: REDACTED         Location: REDACTED

4:17 AM
Pretension of sleep ceases. Subject begins vigorous routine of calisthenic stretching.

4:26 AM
Screaming followed by repeated interaction with subject’s valise. Packing and unpacking with apparent indecision regarding desired ratio of red T-shirts and blue T-shirts. An item remains consistent: one (1) small toy dinosaur, herbivore type, green speckles.

4:31 AM
Personnel approach and offer admonition, directing subject’s attention to facility noise regulations. Subject offers counter admonition, refers to personnel as “dweebs” and intimates that facility “sucks shit.”

4:32 AM
Subject 548481 succumbs to application of kinetic soporific treatment.